Bratty Redhead

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Learning to Let Go (or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb)

Today I was having a conversation about consulting and how important it is to not be emotionally attached to your solutions. As a consultant, you exist to be an enabler. You help others succeed with tasks that, without your expertise, they might fail instead. As consultants, our value comes from a long history of observing and participating in spectacular failures and fantastic successes. We know what works and what doesn’t work and we can articulate the reasons why. But our value can be compromised if we can’t interact effectively with our clients. This means checking your emotions and inner schadenfreude at the door and working with clients to discover a solution that is practical for their environment.


Back in the day, I worked on a silo’d web operations team at a big retail company. We knew how we liked things done and, although we might argue amongst ourselves, we presented a united bullying front to the dev teams. For example, we didn’t allow them to deploy apps into production when they came with the caveat of “you have to restart the app every night.” We drank developer tears with breakfast, and we liked it that way.

Guess what? Consultants don’t have that luxury. I might also argue that internal operations teams no longer have that luxury, but that’s a blog for another day.

In that job, I saw every kind of connection leak, OOM and spectacular cascading infrastructure disaster you can think of and I participated in resolving several. Eventually I moved on to consulting for a large company where I designed and deployed infrastructure for large web-based applications. My previous experience was not just invaluable for designing infrastructure in diverse environments, It also enabled me to advise client development teams on how to write robust applications and assist them in tracking down performance problems during the development process. I was full of ideas! They were all brilliant! Wait, what!? Where is everyone going? How can you not like my ideas?

Keep your WTFs to yourself

As a new consultant, I had excellent technical knowledge, some decent communication skills, and a host of opinions. I knew the right way to get things done and people should listen to me because I was the consultant. But technical knowledge and opinions can only take you so far. Some people aren’t suited to life with clients. Often there is no one to shield you from difficult people they way your manager would in a normal job. You need to work with all types of personalities, while maintaining a calm demeanor. You need to be able to not take things personally. You must be capable of articulating the why’s behind your ideas and speak objectively about ideas from the client, even if you think it’s the worst idea since Greedo shooting first.

You can’t say things like, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” or “Why in god’s name would you ever do that?” A favorite that I had to give up was, “Why do you want to make me cry?”

Don’t Get Attached

A concept that challenged me is that there is no absolute right or wrong way to design something. The corollary to that is you will always disagree with at least one thing the client wants to do. Sometimes you will disagree with many. Sometimes they will disagree with your solutions and expect you to implement what they want, not what you want.

Well, WTF? You think to yourself, how am I supposed to do that? Newsflash: You need to figure it out because that’s why you get paid the big bucks. As an independent consultant now, I have some leeway to do my due diligence and decline projects that look risky or are implementing tech stacks of which I don’t approve. As an employee for a consulting company, I went where they pointed me and I liked it. And I figured it out, because they paid me a boatload of money to use my brain.

Something you will hear often as a consultant: “That’s a great idea, but we’re not going to it.” A client once decided to implement mission critical queuing on WebSphere Application Server’s internal message bus. I could and did explain that this solution was not robust until I was blue in the face, but the fact is, WebSphere MQ software is expensive and open source wasn’t an option(because). Retail order fulfillment queuing was implemented where they wanted it and I spent my days and nights reading up on how to ensure as little data loss (orders, right?!) as possible if the unclustered, non-redundant server went down. As an aside, I should note that this client has since gone out of business.

You can’t be emotionally attached to your ideas. I know you think you have the one true path to success. You don’t. Regardless of how smart you are, the customer knows their systems better and they know their politics better. They know what can be accomplished. Get used to having your ideas shot down and don’t let it upset you. Don’t hang on to them. You need to get over it and move on. If you’re still hanging on to today’s disagreements tomorrow, you won’t be able to think clearly tomorrow about new technical challenges.

Pick Your Battles

Sometimes you’ll encounter strong opposing opinions. If you’re an IT consultant, it’s guaranteed. Remember, 95% of battles do not need to be fought. Just because you don’t approve of a naming convention is no reason to argue, especially if another engineer is in love with it. You might implement applications that need nightly rolling restarts, even if you could prove they don’t need it, just because management has been burned in the past. Don’t fight it. Nightly restarts aren’t the end of the world. You might meet a team who wants to migrate all of their bash scripts verbatim into configuration management. This would be a hard one for me to let go, and I might try to convince people not to do it, but I would concede in the end, because refactoring exists.

Save up your argues for when it matters. Eventually you will come upon something you absolutely won’t want to compromise. If you haven’t been arguing about everything up to this point, it’s likely people will actually listen when you bring it up.

Your job isn’t to say no. It’s to say yes. If your first inclination is to dismiss an idea or say no, stop and think about why. Do you have valid concerns? What is a valid concern? A valid concern might be a high availability requirement with only one database server in the plan. That’s a problem. But you still don’t get to say no. That’s not your job. Instead you should point out the very obvious risk involved in zero redundancy. Several years ago, I was presented with a client’s server plan that I knew would never survive the first engagement. In this case, we knew they were trying to save as much money as possible, so the consulting team got together in a room and came up with a perfect world scenario and then two less expensive alternatives that allowed for some robustness while saving on hardware expenses. I then power pointed the entire thing and presented to senior management. I had been consulting for all of 3 months at the time and was petrified but we won them over to one of our solutions in the end.

This isn’t relevant to me, I’m a full time employee

Are you on an ops team? Do you work with development teams to get apps into production? How about a monitoring team? Do you work with devs to create coherent actionable alerts? Then you are a consultant. Developers care about one thing: writing code. Some developers do care about more and have the background to be interested in more, but in general, especially in big companies or outsourced development, all devs care about is writing code. They don’t know how anything else works. It doesn’t make them dumb, it makes them part of a world of which you only see a part.

This makes you their enabler and a consultant. You have knowledge critical to their success. It’s not just your job to provide them with an app container and now buzz off. You’re their lifeline to the rest of the infrastructure. Telling them “no” or ridiculing an idea will only make them angry and determined to circumvent all the sane safeguards you’ve put into place for everyone’s good.

Instead of treating development teams like they know nothing, take a moment to find out why they want to do what they’re doing. Many times you’ll find that they’ve actually just spent two solid days trying to solve a prickly problem and this is the only working viable option they’ve found. Maybe your perspective will help you advise them on a better way, or they could be right and you could be stuck with something suboptimal. At this point, instead of being grumpy about it, start figuring out ways to limit the damage or make it more robust and work with your dev instead of against him. Full time employees, I’m talking to you.

Consulting isn’t for everyone. If you can’t learn to take deep breaths and count to ten, it might not be for you. I still make mistakes and have often been grateful for working remote where I can wear my rage face in private. In the end, you have to be able to let it all roll over you. This isn’t your infrastructure and sometimes compromises must be made.

For me, consulting is emotionally easier in some ways because I can accept decisions with which I don’t necessarily agree, knowing that I won’t be around to see the heartache in a year. All I can do is my best with whatever is under my control. And my best is impressive. I am a master tweaker and I document the hell out of ALL THE THINGS. But I often see sacrifices of stability for expediency and it does hurt me. I’ve just learned to not let it hurt too much. The great thing about consulting is, if this project didn’t work out exactly the way you wished, the next one is right around the corner, waiting for you bring it all your awesomeness.